Ex-Tabula Rasa
I'm just an English bloke who lives in Canada after marrying a Canadian lady he met while living in Japan. Yeah, that old cliché.
Shameless Self-Promotion:
My utterly hilarious blog is here
And another one is here
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Averaging three stars a tweet since the death of Favrd!
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Email me for fun and frolics*! My address goes along the lines of Japanese (dot) smoth (@) gmail (dot) com. *Actual ratio of fun to frolics may vary.
Newt Gingrich sitting on a rock.
In 1993 Newt Gingrich’s staff decided to play a practical joke on him. Every week they would replace his favourite pair of trousers with an identical pair that was a quarter of an inch shorter in the legs. The difference was small enough that on a weekly basis he didn’t notice the shortening of his pants, but over time it became obviously clear that his trousers were far too small for him, leg-wise.
After six months, Newt became convinced that he was experiencing another growth spurt, and that in time he would become a giant.
This photograph was taken two months after the first trouser replacement. When Newt discovered the truth, eighteen months and nineteen and a half inches later, he fired all of his staff and had their wives killed.
So what now…?
Like a teenage boy staring at a poster of a supermodel, I’ve coveted the iPad for a while, knowing full well that there was absolutely no way I’d ever get my hands on one. And with no reduction in the validity of the analogy, now I have one I’ve no idea what to do with it.
Sure, I’ve downloaded Scrabble and Twitter and Facebook and the obligatory ‘throw the birds at the pigs’ game, but what now? What do I do now? Bearing in mind I have no other Apple products (barring a four-year-old iPod), what would you other iPad owners consider to be the essential things for me to get?
Oh shit
I’m writing this on an iPad you guys…oh God I don’t know what I’m doing…is this an angry bird? Am I a facetime? I got an iPad for my birthday from Mrs Fuiru…what do I do? Do I need to get an autocorrect? Oh God
Birthday presents
I haven’t opened any presents yet today, I’m saving them for tonight. But already today:
- The results for the much hated Advanced Accounting course exam I took in December were released and I passed with honours.
- In my annual review my boss told me that while everyone else in the finance department is gunning for his job (VP), I should set my sights higher in the long term, like eventually CFO of our parent company.
- I ate birthday cake for breakfast.
To be honest, I could probably leave the presents for another day; today’s already been pretty bloody good.
Annual Review
I told my boss that I had thought about writing “impregnated my wife” under the “Accomplishments for the last year” section of my review form.
He laughed and told me that years ago when he worked at another company a woman had written “Start a family” in the “Goals for the next five years” section and that he had told her that, professionally and ethically speaking, there wasn’t anything he could do to help her with that.
Today it’s my annual Performance Review
I’m filling in the form to bring with me. Under the ‘achievements during the year’ section I’m really really tempted to write “impregnated my wife”.
