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Had our first experience of the all-night toddler vomit scenario this week. Terrible thing to go through but Audrey still makes me laugh because other then the actual upchucking itself, she was fine, and quite excited that Mummy and Daddy had come to play with her in her room in the middle of the night.
She literally told me off on Tuesday for farting at the dinner table. Like, literally, I broke wind and she looked at me sternly, waved her finger in an admonishing fashion and said “Mean daddy, no more pooting”.
I saw a guy in the lunchroom today try and insert himself into a conversation between two female coworkers. He was sat at a table, they were standing by the microwaves, about ten feet away. Every now and again he’d laugh and loudly interject with a single word like ‘yeah’ and ‘haha’ and ‘true!’ and ‘okay’ and I realised that that must be what it’s like for L’il Jon all the time.
My last ever CGA accounting exam is in eight days. I should probably be more excited than I am.
I have the beginning ideas for a funny piece of writing that, if done correctly, I’d send off to various publications for submission consideration. Based on recent past experience what this means is that in about a week the exact same idea will appear as a far superior humorous article in the New Yorker.
Dental hygienist: There’s a nasty mark inside your right cheek. Have you bit it or done something to it recently?
Me: You know how you did those X-rays ten minutes ago?
Me: And how they involved my clamping my teeth around a contraption of various plastic protrusions, sort of resembling a Soviet-era space satellite only slightly bigger?
Me: Yeah, I did something to the inside of my cheek recently.
I was tagged by rartastic and I don’t often get tagged in things and I have a spare ten minutes so I’m going to do it.
New questions for You:
Old questions for me:
This is a good question. I like this question. It’s a hard question to answer because I like drawing faces (I can only draw faces), singing sad songs and playing the guitar (sad songs), but really my favourite outlet is writing nonsense.
I would say in general thick crust is the best, but man cannot live on bread alone and by that I think Jesus was probably talking about pizza crusts.
Yesterday I purchased from a second-hand book shop half a dozen CDs for pennies, including Elastica’s debut album which, to my eternal Britpop shame, I have never owned. Also in there was Asian Dub Foundation’s Community Music and a Charlatans album I own on cassette.
Wait, we’re doing this for points? Oh God, I had no idea. I’m going to go back and change some of my previous answers.
Okay, now I’m back, what was the question? Oh, right. In terms of pens, my favourite are some Rollerball ones from work that they stopped stocking in our stationery cupboard because (I think) I kept stealing them all.
I thought I did but I just sung the theme to Rocko’s Modern Life, so no.
Mind control. I would be such a mischievous bastard.
It’s entirely the head/body and eyes/face ratios. I’m pretty sure the Golden Mean is involved, but I could be wrong.
Refreshing can of pop of on a summer’s day + Cold beer + Scotch on ice - Frappucino > (Coffee - hype) + (Tea - patriotic obligations)
The Queen called on her chief tasseomancer for a reading, and the latter, upon putting down her cup of tea, looked at the leaves. ‘A crown, inverted,’ she said. ‘The fall of a great leader. A new dawn for the people.’
'Is that so?' the Queen shouted, and, motioning with her hands, called for her guards to take the leaf-reader away.
'No, wait, whoops, my mistake,' the seer said, 'I was holding the cup the wrong way round. It's actually a crown the right way up, indicating many years of beloved and benevolent rule, er, haha.'
'Phew,' said the Queen.
'You can say that again,' said the leaf-reader.
Fry and Laurie until further notice.
There’s this song on one of Audrey’s Wiggles DVDs about five little ducks. It’s got actions and stuff, I don’t know if it’s well known or not, but I hadn’t heard it before. It goes like this:
"Five little ducks went out one day/Over the hill and far away/Father Duck went ‘quack quack quack’/And only four little ducks came back"
It goes on like that with one fewer duck returning after each trip. Then in the last verse it’s like this:
"Father duck then went out one day/Over the hill and far away/Father duck went ‘quack quack quack’/And all of the five little ducks came back"
And I’m watching this and it ends like that and I’m like HOLY SHIT THAT DUCK IS LIAM FUCKING NEESON AND THIS IS TAKEN III: THE DUCKENING.Like seriously, I would pay to see the duck Liam Neeson go out and rescue his five ducky children in some kind of web-footed bloodbath.
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