January 2010
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2 tags
pizzas i want to make
folkinz:
mac & cheese
eggs benedict
potato, bacon, scallions, & ranch dressing
chicken club
lasagna
buffalo chicken
caramelized onions, feta, chicken
My wife asked what I wanted for my birthday dinner and I said “Baked potato pizza”. I think she’s given up on me.
The King Tut Exhibition was shit
Now I don’t feel so bad about not achieving anything in my three decades of life. Even though I haven’t run any countries (yet), I bet the Art Gallery of Ontario could put on a much better show about my life.
(Seriously, Toronto people: Go to the AGO by all means, but don’t bother paying extra and queueing for that shit. Lord Carnarvon would be ashamed.)
The end of my twenties...
Actually, fuck Tutenkhamun.
Yeah, he may have ruled Egypt before he was ten, but fuck him. Fuck him right in the asp. I’ve come up with a list of things that I’ve done but which stupid old Tutenkhamun hasn’t:
Stage dived
Had a room full of Japanese schoolgirls call me “handsome”
Been recommended on #FollowFriday by inthefade
Stolen someone’s girlfriend a week after they headbutted me...
How to increase my sense of achievement in one...
Tomorrow I will be going to the Art Gallery of Ontario to see their apparently wonderful Tutenkhamun exhibit.
And so I just realised that I will be spending the last day of my twenties learning about a dude who ruled a country before he was ten. Way to put my own accomplishments in perspective.
Two Truths and a Lie
If, when starting a new job, your new employers make you play “Two Truths and a Lie” with the other members of your department in a characteristically zany way to get to know you, pick three of the most mundane things you can think of. These three things should involve people they don’t know and facts that they cannot possibly verify.
For example:
I once saw Michael McBeath and...
Happy Birthday, TonyD!
Of all the “[someone] started following you” notifications I’ve ever received, yours was the one that made me go “Omigodomigodomigodomigod” for the longest time.
Have a good one!
The bed is calling me.
Either that or the tramp who lives in my kitchen has a friend.
I just heard that Fireflies song for the first...
Fucking hell, Toto should sue. All it was missing was “dew-dewdew-di-dewdew-dew” and it would be Africa.
"Holding on to Marley's Arse"
I'm sorry, but I'm going to be somewhat...
The best Nick Cave song that shares its name with a film about cheerleaders is Bring It On.
You can’t change my mind on this. Don’t even try.
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All these photos and stories really make me want to go to a Tumblr/Twitter meetup but I’m scared that everyone will discover that I’m actually a really well-made bot.
Incidentally, check out my new photos! (Registration required)
ALERT ALERT ALERT
milkglassmao:
theresa-c:
Jezebel just posted a Gallery of Extremely Handsome British Men.
There are more pictures in the comments.
You’re welcome.
Umm…
1. There is no Colin Firth.
2. There are no cravats.
3. There is no Colin Firth, they must be heathens.
If I’m not in there I’d say it’s probably just a joke.
So I was telling a coworker about my anthropomorphism of staples and paperclips because she’s doing an MA in psychology part time and I figured she’d tell if I was actually a bit OCD. She was all thoughtful for a few seconds and then she was like “That’s interesting…how do you feel about killing spiders?” So I was like, “Meh, don’t think twice about...
And you know what else?
You know when your stapler is stuck and you fix it and then you crunch it down once it’s fixed to make sure it works and the staple just folds in on itself without holding any papers together because you didn’t want to chance your documents to a possibly still-kaput stapler and then you throw that staple away?
That makes me feel guilty because DAMMIT THAT STAPLE HAD NO CONTROL OVER...
This might make me strange
I’m almost at the end of my container of paperclips, so I should probably go to the paperclip repository and fill up on more paperclips but GODDAMMIT THOSE PAPERCLIPS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CONTAINER HAVE BEEN WAITING THEIR TURN QUITE PATIENTLY AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THEIR DAY IN THE SUN AWAY FROM THEM.
My First Ever Massage
To answer my earlier worries:
Yes, I had to take my clothes off. No, not all of them. But I did anyway.
They did not shave my hairy shoulders, and I didn’t ask if it costs extra.
I did not get an erection, mostly because the woman doing the massage had a moustache. Perhaps they could utilise this fact in their promotional materials: “Moustache Massages: Deft Fingertips, furry...
Tonight I'm going for my first ever massage.
I’ve been enjoying some godawful back pain for the last four months or so, and the last doctor I saw was like, “Try massages. Just don’t go to one of those places from the back of the listings magazines with the neon signs outside” (true story). So tonight is my first ever proper (i.e. licensed professional) massage.
I’m quite nervous, having never done it before. I...
3 tags
My Astronomy Text Book is now complete!
Some of you may remember that last year I wrote a text book for medical students and posted the contents in my Tumblr. Well, I published it (well, ‘photocopied’ is the correct term) and waited for the cheques to roll in as eager young people bought it in their thousands. But despite the sticker I put on the front that said “Reblogged by SniffyJenkins (famous writer-type...
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Happy Birthday Portorock: A limerick for you
A dandy young chap, Portorock
Spent all of his money on socks
“They’re not just for my feet”
He said, shrewd and discrete,
“They’re to exaggerate the size of my underwear drawer”
If my admittedly shoddy records are correct
redcloud:
monkeyfrog:
Today is the birthday of Jack Holt, Danielle, and Essdogg.
Can it be? Can so much greatness have come to us on the same day?
It cannot!
Mine is not until tomorrow.
You’re right on the other two, both in terms of date-ness and greatness.
Portorock is tomorrow, too; he said he’ll be 13.
And onesmallfire is Thursday. Autumn is awesome!
And I’m on...
Some Other Just Ones by Steven Heighton
The printer who sets this page with skill, though he may not admire it.
Anyone whose skeleton is susceptible to music.
She who, having loved a book or record, instantly passes it on.
Whose heart lilts at a span of vacant highway, the fervent surge of acceleration, psalm of the tires.
Adults content to let children bury them in sand or leaves.
Those for whom sustaining hatred is a difficulty.
...
I JUST GOT A DRUNK PHONE CALL FROM THE WHOLE...
nicky36:
Or at least from the corner of the Mars Bar where Theresa is.
I hope you told them how much fun we’re having…
Okay, so when everyone gets back from SF we should...
“Oh man, I can’t believe you guys missed all the cool stuff we’ve been doing around here this weekend, it’s been all giant robots and kittens made of fudge and we all got free candy and lottery tickets and we all hooked up and it wasn’t at all awkward. You should have stuck around. It was awesome.”
Whisky whisky whisky
Tonight I am drinking Auchentoshan, or as I like to call it, Auch-Tosh-B’Gosh.
withOUT. withOUT romaine lettuce.
inthefade:
That was a hell of an error.
It should have read DO NOT MAKE CAESAR SALAD WITH ICEBERG LETTUCE OK THANKS.
This, with added constraint: Do not make anything with iceberg lettuce.
Oh my god these chocolate covered gummi bears are...
Sob…there’re so delicious…sniff…much better than anything in San Fran right now…weep…I’m not missing anything…these chocolate covered gummis are all I need…
When I was young/I never needed anyone/and making love was just for fun/those days are gone
My wife teaches Grade 8 English and Drama. Her worst class is a bunch of loudmouth kids that she has worked very hard to get on her side, mostly by alternately befriending the biggest troublemakers and humiliating them.
Last Friday the speakers from her in-class computer were taken while my wife was out of the class. She mentioned this fact earlier in the week to 8-2, who showed much indignation...
Either everyone deleted every single post from...
I’m sure Topherchris is fixing the situation with one of his ‘hilarious’ Photoshop efforts as we speak.
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I just discovered that the snack place in my work...
Do you think they have those in San Fran? I doubt it. I reckon you could traipse all over the city and not find a single chocolate-covered Gummi Bear. Neither love nor money will aid you in that quest. And I’ll be sitting here in work, at my desk, eating bag after bag of nommy chocolate-covered aceness, thinking of you all.
Enjoy your weekend.
Kurt Godel discusses the Tumblr search function
“When I search for something within my own dashboard, I get more results than when I search for that same thing within the whole of Tumblr (which, presumably, contains my dashboard). Some - but not all -of the results from the ‘whole of Tumblr’ search set are contained within the search set for my own dashboard, and vice versa.
“Therefore I can conclude that if the Tumblr...
My favourite joke what I made up about The Jam:
Q: Why was Paul Weller coughing up bullets?
A: Because he’d eaten rifles! (Eaten rifles!)
My plans for the weekend, seeing as I'm not going...
There’s an art gallery near my apartment that’s having a little soiree to celebrate the opening of a new exhibit. I’m going to go there by myself and drink their free wine and pretend I’m in the SF meetup.
I’m going to walk around the room from person to person saying things at the top of my voice like “HAHAHA That’s so funny MarleyMarley! Hey Angela,...
Well, I passed last semester's Economics course....
“If I’d have taken this course fifteen years ago I’d have won an awful lot more arguments with my father.”
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You know when you’re on the top deck of a double-decker bus and you’re sitting at the front row, staring out of the window to the side and the bus goes over a small bridge or a hill or a bump and for a second your stomach goes WHOOOP-WHOOOP and as you watch the ground fall away it feels for a split second like you’re flying but you know you’re safe and secure inside a big...
monkeyfrog:
I can’t decide whether to be a hearting asshole or a non-hearting asshole.
Dammit Yayaa, I don’t need this stress.
“Well, you’re damned if you do (what’re we talking ‘bout?)
Well, you’re damned if you do (where’s your sense of humour?)
Well, you’re damned if you do
And you’re damned if you don’t”
- Bart Simpson, Deep...
“Write in a regular place on the internet, on a regular theme, and do it so well...”
– Warren Ellis is taking questions over at his forums.
(Warning: His forums tend to be not safe for work. You have been warned.)
(via kiyoshimartinez)
Shit, I’ve been doing the first two for years at my other blog. Nobody said I had to do the third.
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I would SO read that book.
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How the city of Calgary got its name
If you look up the Wikipedia article on Calgary, you will learn that the Canadian city of Calgary is named after a similarly-titled Scottish town. This is a lie and a falsehood and blatant nonsense because Wikipedia is written by liars, frauds and Star Trek fans.
The city of Calgary was actually founded by two guys, Gary and Hal. Gary and Hal were friends but their opinions differed on what they...