February 2011
Off to bed
Thanks to everyone for your birthday wishes. I haven’t responded to them all because - and I’ll be honest here - I wasn’t quite expecting to get so many messages in my askhole and on Facebook and stuff. It’s been a great birthday and right now I’m buzzed on whisky and beer. Oh, and for the several people who have either asked for the recipe of my delicious birthday...
Feb 1st
monkeyfrog: You go by Fuiru but your name is Phil Your stories are hilarious, your rhymes are ill You war with squirrels and you bake for a thrill Happy Birthday to you something something gorill a. This is why I blog. I would like to get this in needlepoint and put it on my living room wall. I bow in appreciation, this is excellent. Thank you!
Feb 1st
43 notes
Feb 1st
18 notes
evy26 asked: Blur or Oasis?
I mean, happy birthdaaaaaay!!!
Feb 1st
dt-dormant-deactivated20111006 asked: Who was better, Kenickie or Joyrider?

Oh, and happy birthday, or whatever. Does it even count as a birthday if you're in a foreign country?
Feb 1st
January 2011
Jan 31st
32 notes
Jan 31st
andsoisyourface asked: Happy Birthday! I hope your Baked Alaska (whatever that is) is all you could hope for and more!
Jan 31st
cwj asked: Mr. Fuiru,

I hope you have a most excellent birthday, Sir.

Might I suggest taking the afternoon off from work to enjoy a round of Extreme Adventure Croquet?
Jan 31st
missambiguous asked: Happy Birthday!
Jan 31st
spiralingsidewayz-deactivated20 asked: Happy Birthday! I hope it's a great one for you.

Can I have a piece of your Baked Alaska? Please?
Jan 31st
yhf asked: Happy birthday! It took me ten tries to find the correct home keys to type this. I think I need to eat something in order to stop shaking. If I eat birthday cake in your honor, I'll stop doing pretty much anything by noon, though, so I think I should probably stay in the nutritious end of the pool. A pool made of food would be kind of gross.

But anyway, happy birthday.
Jan 31st
My God
Mrs Fuiru and I are going out to a nice restaurant later for my birthday dinner so I’m wearing a tie to work. From everyone’s reaction you’d think I was dressed as Rich Uncle Pennybags.
Jan 31st
atsirhc asked: January is full of tumblr birthdays and i can barely keep up!

i hope you have an awesome birthday and i hope this year is one of your best yet!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! XOXO
Jan 31st
2 tags
Jan 31st
1 tag
Jan 30th
1 tag
Jan 30th
Jan 30th
Jan 30th
jesus h christ, take some pride in the product you...
inthefade: Just because it’s free, that doesn’t mean it’s ok to be shitty. Even government cheese tastes ok.  I think this says in three lines what I took five paragraphs to say yesterday.
Jan 28th
1 tag
I just carried four Ikea Billy bookcases up a...
And boy are my arms tired.
Jan 27th
sparkgrrl658 replied to your quote: It has been noted that recently certain models of… um, someone’s told you by now this was tumblr getting a joke for once based on a cartoon the oatmeal did, right? and that they spent no extra time “making” this image? and that their “sorry” message is the same as everyone else’s, essentially? Oh, I already knew all that. The point I was making in this...
Jan 27th
2 tags
Jan 26th
36 notes
Jan 26th
I didn't learn American history in school
I had the opportunity at one point to do an American history module, but I chose instead to join the other module on the history of medicine, due to my harbouring a desire to become a doctor. Despite this, it’s nice to know that I still know more about the history of the US than Michele Bachmann due to the fact that I’ve seen the film Amistad.
Jan 26th
In which I meet a new colleague from China
New Colleague: Hi, I'm Wan.
Me: Don't be so hard on yourself. A bit pale, maybe...
Jan 26th
2 tags
“It has been noted that recently certain models of Toyota vehicles have a...”
– If companies did this, they’d go out of business.
Jan 26th
22 notes
Less than 24 hours in
I’m already fucking sick and fucking tired of the fucking Tumbeasts, or whatever the fuck those shitfucks are fucking called.
Jan 26th
In honour of Burns Night and Australia Day
Tonight I will be drinking whisky and sucking at cricket.
Jan 25th
Six foot one
Sure, I can get that for you.
Jan 25th
If Tumblr was a roller coaster the fairground...
Jan 25th
Busker
The Tuesday busker at Queen’s Park station is a tall guy with a pencil-thin moustache who plays the violin, usually while dressed as a mariachi. I’m glad to see him because it means my ears won’t be assaulted by the terrible acoustic guitar guys, countless interchangeable old men with beards who only know songs by Bob Dylan, the Beatles and Simon and Garfunkel. The violinist is...
Jan 25th
Jan 25th
Jan 25th
3,867 notes
do-over asked: Hey. 'Sup?
Jan 25th
Jan 25th
“I am not just a person who goes around peeing on tombs, but a writer with a...”
– Chilean author Eduardo Labarca defends pissing on Jorge Luis Borges’ grave.
Jan 24th
Paul Anka
The DJ had faded out the music while the wedding guests finished their main course. As the happy couple emitted embarrassed grins at the big table in front of us, the DJ asked for guests to come up and give a speech. There was some whispering and laughing at the tables in the hall, but nobody stood up. Finishing my glass of red wine, I decided it was my time. “Don’t!” my wife...
Jan 24th
I am terrible at greetings
It ocurred to me today. I’m terrible at greetings. For some reason, my brain isn’t wired to come up with a good response to being greeted. It’s literally entirely greetings, too. I’m pretty good at coming up with retorts and responses to other situations. Like the time a colleague said they weren’t voting for a certain candidate because he was gay and would therefore...
Jan 24th
37 notes
Maya Angelou sold separately
There was an ad in this morning’s newspaper for a series of lectures by “inspirational women”. I put that term in quotes because one of the speakers is Joan Rivers and while she inspires me to stab myself in the neck whenever I see her, I don’t think she really fits in with the others. Anyway, there was a box on the side and it said “Special Discount: Get tickets to...
Jan 24th
1 tag
Jan 22nd
Jan 21st
Jan 21st
31 notes
If I created a Twitter account for the posts I...
Last night in a dream I attempted to tweet “Saying ‘White people raise your hands’ at a rap concert is good because it lets you see if there are any mimes there” but the words kept changing as I wrote them.
Jan 21st
Discombobulated: fuiru: sniffyjenkins: fuiru:... →
fuiru: sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins replied to your post: Holy shit, I wish there was someone around here who knew how to play Mornington Crescent Bayswater. My goodness, that’s a brazen opening… MORNINGTON CRESCENT!! Good game!
Jan 21st
22 notes
2 tags
sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins replied to your post: Holy shit, I wish there was someone around here who knew how to play Mornington Crescent Bayswater.  My goodness, that’s a brazen opening move. I haven’t seen such a confident opening gambit since the 1998 All-Britain finals. My options here are limited, so: Cannon Street. Hmm,...
Jan 21st
22 notes
sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins replied to your post: Holy shit, I wish there was someone around here who knew how to play Mornington Crescent Bayswater.  My goodness, that’s a brazen opening move. I haven’t seen such a confident opening gambit since the 1998 All-Britain finals. My options here are limited, so: Cannon Street. Hmm, you are a tricksy one. ...
Jan 21st
22 notes
sniffyjenkins: fuiru: sniffyjenkins replied to your post: Holy shit, I wish there was someone around here who knew how to play Mornington Crescent Bayswater.  My goodness, that’s a brazen opening move. I haven’t seen such a confident opening gambit since the 1998 All-Britain finals. My options here are limited, so: Cannon Street. Hmm, you are a tricksy one. North Harrow. I like this...
Jan 21st
22 notes
sniffyjenkins replied to your post: Holy shit, I wish there was someone around here who knew how to play Mornington Crescent Bayswater.  My goodness, that’s a brazen opening move. I haven’t seen such a confident opening gambit since the 1998 All-Britain finals. My options here are limited, so: Cannon Street.
Jan 21st
22 notes
Holy shit, I wish there was someone around here...
Dammit, British Muthafucka needs to play some Mornington Crescent every once in a while, y’know? If there was a Mornington Crescent app for the iPhone I would be in there in like, three seconds. Boom! I’d be all, posting on Tumblr, “My Mornington Crescent user ID is ‘Fuiru’, let’s get some action going” But no Scandinavian Rules. I don’t do...
Jan 21st