Your web-browser is very outdated, and as such, this website may not display properly. Please consider upgrading to a modern, faster and more secure browser. Click here to do so.
She’s sick, so I’m home with her.
I say ‘sick’, she has a fever, more meltdowns than usual, and general childish exuberance. The first two mean she has to stay home from daycare; the third means it’s not much of a chore to be with her.
It’s lunchtime, but her appetite has been small. I offer her a home-made one-bite muffin that her mum made at the weekend. She thanks me and eats it and I am grateful that she’s getting food inside her. Then I’m struck by the realisation that my daughter is sick, I’m her Dad, and I’m giving her non-nutritional food and have therefore just become a cliche.
She asks for a second muffin. “More muffin-man!” she says, smiling. She says please, and in case there was any doubt as to her desire for more baked goods, she pats her chest, baby sign-language for ‘please’. I can’t refuse.
After finishing her second muffin, she signs ‘more’ and says “More muffin-man!” again. I pause this time, because I’m pretty sure three muffins is overdoing it, even if they are the size of a two dollar coin. She sees my hesitations, and says ‘please,’ both vocally and in sign. Interest in any food is better than nothing, I think. I give in.
I’m walking to the kitchen and behind me, from the high chair, she speaks. “I love you Daddy” she says, and I turn into a puddle who knows he’s being played.
Back at the dinner table I put the muffin on her tray and she pushes it away. “No,” she says, and my heart sinks.
"Daddy’s muffin-man," she says, holding it up to me, and my heart rises again. I eat the muffin and thank her, both vocally and in sign.
"Well done Audrey," she says to herself, and I wonder if I shouldn’t try and get her to have some soup, just so I can tell her mum I tried.
Last week a man was arrested at a Florida art gallery for smashing a vase painted by Ai Weiwei in a protest at the lack of local artists being displayed at the Perez Art Museum.
This isn’t the first time a famous creative work has been destroyed through violent dissention. Some other examples include:
Audrey is now capable of farting loudly, with floorboard-shaking tenor and accompanying nasal potency, and then blatantly, shamelessly, and joyfully blaming her mother for the horrendous trombuttening.