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Ex-Tabula Rasa

I shall try to define myself in a sentence with a pithy comment at the end:
I'm just an English bloke who lives in Canada after marrying a Canadian lady he met while living in Japan. Yeah, that old cliché.

Shameless Self-Promotion:
My utterly hilarious blog is here
And another one is here

Wow! I'm on Twitter now!
Averaging three stars a tweet since the death of Favrd!

Still Want More?
Email me for fun and frolics*! My address goes along the lines of Japanese (dot) smoth (@) gmail (dot) com. *Actual ratio of fun to frolics may vary.
Mar 29 '14

No idea why Audrey’s latest catchphrase is “Baaaabe, coffee please!” or where she heard it from, but it still raises a smile every time.

Mar 28 '14

(Source: colourfulmotion)

Mar 26 '14

A tear in my eye the whole time

Audrey’s decided that she doesn’t want to read books with Mummy and Daddy any more, she wants to start reading by herself. Which would be great if a) she could read and b) we didn’t love reading to her.

Tonight before bed she picked out her baby copy of Jabberwocky and sat on the floor, reading it to herself, but not reading, just saying the words she remembers from when I’ve read it to her.

"Brillig…mmmble…liffytoves…mmmble…gimblewabe…mimsy…BOROGROVES!!…mmmble…mome raths…"

I literally had a tear in my eye the whole time.

Mar 25 '14
‘New Year’ by Six By SevenSix by Seven: Most underrated British band of the last twenty years. Discuss.

‘New Year’ by Six By Seven
Six by Seven: Most underrated British band of the last twenty years. Discuss.

Mar 25 '14

More Ghostly Goings-on

I mentioned several times before how there have been several spooky paranormal Mulder-you’re-being-unreasonable events at our apartment in the last few years. I won’t go into them all here, but you may recall one in which a male voice from behind our sofa asked my wife what she was doing while I was in another room, and her response (thinking it was me) of “I’m watching TV what does it look like” prompted me to emerge from the next room asking her if she was talking to me.

Tonight Audrey pointed behind the sofa to a photograph of my wife as a baby, and said “baby.” My wife said “that’s mummy as a baby” and Audrey was satisfied. Then Audrey pointed to the area from where the voice emerged, and said “boy.” We looked for a picture of a boy on the books on the bookcase there, but there were none. We asked her to specify where the boy was, and she just pointed at an area with cookbooks and no visible male children.

Audrey then put her hand to her ear, and said, “I hear boy.” We asked what the boy was saying.



A couple of hours later my wife was giving Audrey a bath. She was singing a song from a Wiggles Halloween DVD that involves going “booooo” in a spooky ghost fashion. Audrey didn’t sing along, but when my wife finished, Audrey said, “Ghost says ‘boo’,” which is something she says quite often, it’s part of her animal noises repertoire.

Then she said, “boy says ‘goodbye…goodbye…goodbye…’”

Mar 24 '14

Last night I dreamt that Julia Roberts was so impressed with my supporting role in a popular Hollywood film that she suggested we start a relationship together. This would have a mutually beneficial effect as our connections would allow me to move into more artsy films while she would be able to try some blockbuster type roles. She said all this while we stood at the end of a pier in a moment ripe for romance, the breeze gently stroking our faces and the waves lapping against the pier supports.

I had to turn her down, of course. In my dream I was still both married and opposed to using relationships for career advancement.

We walked back down the pier to the shore. She understood, though I suspect she was more upset than she let on.

Mar 24 '14

jigglebologna asked:

Top 5 most Britishest things ever.
  1. Walking down the street wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella to your job as manager of a local bank, taking time out of your commute to politely insult a passing foreigner, while clouds swiftly and efficiently begin blocking out the sun, and a man driving a passing white van whistles the song Parklife by Blur.
  2. Berating the waitress in a cafe in Calais for not understanding you when you tell her you want fish, chips and a pint of lager in English and then speaking more and more slowly under the misguided idea that this will somehow enable her to understand a completely different language to the one she speaks while your Ford Mondeo sits outside filled to the customs-defying brim with cases of 33cl Kronenburg stubbie bottles.
  3. Pushing an old bicycle up a cobbled street while wearing a flat cap and trousers held up with string while a man resembling Andy Capp pets a nearby ferret and pigeons coo menacingly from the rooftops. In the distance a whistle blows and crowds of miners descend from the nearby pits.
  4. Benedict Cumberbatch pretending to care about tennis for two weeks during Wimbledon until the last British entrant is eliminated (in the semi finals), with a soundtrack comprised of Herman’s Hermits, the Kinks, and Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch.
  5. The Sun tabloid newspaper, reporting that the English national football team, dressed as Morris Dancers, were knocked out of the World Cup on penalties by Germany the previous day, use an offensively stereotypical depiction of a German on their front page, along with a pun-based headline written in a gothic script.
Mar 24 '14

everythinginthesky asked:

Top 5 Mogwai tracks.

Gah. This was very hard.

  1. Helicon 1 (Ten Rapid)
  2. My Father the King (My Father the King Single)
  3. Xmas Steps (No Education = No Future (Fuck the Curfew) EP)
  4. Like Herod (Mogwai Young Team)
  5. George Square Thatcher Death Party (Hardcore will Never die, but you Will)
Mar 24 '14

steelopus asked:

Top 5 - Axl Rose's use of the word "fuck!"
  1. "All I needed was clarity/And someone to tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON/GODDAMN IT" - Coma
  2. "What, you pissed off off cuz your Dad gets more pussy than you? Fuck you! Suck my fuckin’ dick!" - Get in the Ring
  3. "And then you’re/Just fuckin’ gone!" - Dust n Bones
  4. "I see you standing there/You think you’re so cool/Why don’t you just/Fuck off!" - It’s so Easy
  5. "Oooh you want a confrontation/I’ll give you every fucking chance/With your verbal masturbation/Me? I just like to dance" - Shotgun Blues
Mar 24 '14



World Order - “Have a nice day”

Watch this. Are you watching this? Watch this.

Just a reminder about World Order frontman, Genki Sudo:

Sudo is a retired mixed martial artist and a kickboxer who, until December 31, 2006 competed in the Japanese fighting organization HERO’S and before that, the Ultimate Fighting Championship and Pancrase. He is notable for his elaborate ring entrances[4] and unorthodox fighting style.[5] His philosophy is “We are all one.”[6] He is a practicing Buddhist.[7] Signature moves include the flying triangle and spinning backfist.

So… what have you done today?

Yeah, I know, it’s only 9:00 AM.

Also: His first name means “cheerful”.