Ex-Tabula Rasa

Pardon me while I blow your mind.

So there’s this TV series, right? Okay. And of the main characters is a young woman whose job involves waiting on other people. And she falls for this broodingly handsome guy who is much older than her. But their love does not always go to plan because he has a dark and murky past that forces him to keep secrets and go off on mysterious errands without telling her why, all presumably for her own good. And a nasty woman from his distant past occasionally comes back and makes things even more complicated.

“Hold up, Fuiru,” you say, “why are you talking about True Blood? The next season doesn’t start for ages!”

But I’m not talking about Sookeh and Bill Compton, oh no. I’m talking about Anna and Mister Bates in Downton Abbey. Boom. I just blew your mind.

And we can take it further. Oh yes.

A handsome young man falls for an attractive and mysterious girl whose ultimate intent is to bring the young man into her family and make him one of their own: Am I describing Jason Stackhouse and Crystal’s Werepanther clan, or Matthew Crawley and Mary’s upper class family? Good question.

A gay guy and his sass-talking co-worker plan the downfall of their other co-worker and her mysterious, brooding new beau. Lafayette and Tara, right? Wrong. O’Brien and William.

While having sex, a girl discovers that her partner in conjugal efforts is dead. Yeah, that could describe just about everyone in True Blood who boffs a vampire, but I’m actually talking about Mary and the Turkish diplomat.

So what exactly am I getting at? This: Downton Abbey is just a British version of True Blood, set in World War 1 and with fewer breasts. They’re basically the same show, but one’s got a bunch of pasty, unhealthily white-skinned sexual deviants, and the other’s got vampires.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering who Eric is? It’s Molesley.