Ex-Tabula Rasa

tomoatmeal:

Well the commercial starts and the guy is all friendly! 

“Hey this is the best Black Friday sale EVER!  Buy a mattress and get a TV!”

Then a tiny doll-sized version of the man pops out from behind the sale sign and reminds the guy to tell us about how the TV comes with a remote control!

This irritates the man because he’s been in business for a long time and knows that when you’re talking to folks about getting a free TV, it goes without saying that the damn thing is going to come with a remote control.

The man thinks that part, but what he yells to his doll-sized counterpart is:

“What is this!?  The stone age?”

The little man ponders this and that’s when the big guy grabs the little man and shoves him inside of a hotdog bun.

The little guy screams and we watch a closeup of condiments being poured onto him.  Then we’re back to the wide frame! 

The mattress guy eats the hotdog and in doing so, murders his miniature counterpart.  It’s slow and awful!   When he finishes he apologizes, but not for himself!  He apologizes for the doll guy and we’re like, “WHAT!?”

Then he grins and goes, “Now I’m doubly smart!”

But then a doctor explains to the man that eating another person doesn’t mean you inherit their intellect.

“The chewing probably destroyed his brain,” says the doctor.

“I’m same smart,” says the mattress man, correcting himself. 

But we’ll be there on Friday because a good deal is a good deal.