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Ex-Tabula Rasa

I shall try to define myself in a sentence with a pithy comment at the end:
I'm just an English bloke who lives in Canada after marrying a Canadian lady he met while living in Japan. Yeah, that old cliché.

Shameless Self-Promotion:
My utterly hilarious blog is here
And another one is here


Wow! I'm on Twitter now!
Averaging three stars a tweet since the death of Favrd!

Still Want More?
Email me for fun and frolics*! My address goes along the lines of Japanese (dot) smoth (@) gmail (dot) com. *Actual ratio of fun to frolics may vary.
Jan 24 '13

Holy shit, Larabars are fucking insane

Have you ever had one? They’re like energy bars only they’ve somehow managed to shove eight energy bars into one energy bar. It’s like they’ve made an energy bar collapse in on itself until it becomes a super dense energy black hole and then they put a wrapper around it and sell it in boxes in Costco and you get a box thinking it’s just granola bars like Natures Path or something but when you have one it’s like you feel like you’ve just eaten your own stomach. I finished eating it half an hour ago but I feel like I’m still eating it. I think I’ll be eating it forever.

I looked at the ingredients list on my Larabar wrapper and it had two items:

  • Dates
  • Everything

I’m too scared to look at the nutritional information on my Larabar wrapper because I’m pretty sure I just ate my own weight in dates but it was somehow crammed into a block the size of a baby’s arm. Chewing a Larabar is like the jaw equivalent of bench-pressing a small Caribbean island. Since eating it I’ve started talking like Kanye West when his mouth was wired shut.

I think my own tongue is afraid of me.

As a science experiment I’m going to eat two Larabars tomorrow and test how long a human being can survive while completely unable to poop.

  1. fuiru reblogged this from emmyinabox and added:
    Sometimes I go back and read things I wrote a while ago and I’m embarrassed by how crap they are. And sometimes I go...
  2. emmyinabox reblogged this from fuiru and added:
    I just remembered that this existed and started laughing to myself at my desk. I think I’ll be laughing about this...
  3. mathcat345 said: And now I might have to try one.
  4. emmyinabox said: I’m sitting here in tears/hysterics from laughing so hard. My boyfriend is concerned.