Ex-Tabula Rasa

Throwback Thursday: If the Barenaked Ladies had $1,000,000, could they get everything they wanted?

From July 29 last year:

Whenever I hear The Barenaked Ladies’ song, If I Had $1,000,000, I wonder if that much money would allow them to purchase all the things they mention. I mean, a million dollars isn’t as much as it used to be, right? Would buying all that stuff leave them penniless, or even in debt? I decided to find out, and present my analysis to you. All research was done on the Internet.

“If I had a million dollars I’d buy you a house”

• The average house price in Canada is $326,613.

“I’d buy you furniture for your house (maybe a nice Chesterfield or an Ottoman)”

• A nice Chesterfield or Ottoman is around $3,000 here in Toronto.

“I’d buy you a K-Car”

• I managed to find a 1986 Dodge Omni for $1,200 on an enthusiast’s website.

“I’d build a treefort in our yard, you could help it wouldn’t be that hard”

• This was quite difficult, but Barbara Butler is a company that has a lot of tree forts, and some, while impressive, are apparently not too difficult to make by two people. I chose a nice one, the ‘Wester Fort’, for $69,850.

“Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there”

• A specialist electronics store had little fridges for $70.20.

“I’d buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat, that’s cruel)”

• Fake Norwegian Fox Fur Jacket: $299 

“I’d buy you an exotic pet (like a llama or an emu)”

• Apparently a decent male llama (depending on age and breeding) can cost up to $1,000. I couldn’t find any information on living costs such as food and shelter, though.

“I’d buy you John Merrick’s remains”

• John Merrick’s remains are held in a museum in London, and despite repeated requests for information, they would not say how much it would cost to take them off their hands. Sorry.

“We wouldn’t have to walk to the store, we’d take a limousine ‘cause it costs more”

• An average limousine costs $100 for an hour’s rental. Going grocery shopping once a week for a year would therefore cost $5200.

“We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner, but we would eat Kraft dinner”

• Amazon Fresh.com sells ‘Gourmet Mac n Cheese’ for $4.87 for a single serving. One year’s worth for two people would therefore cost $3,555.10.

“I’d buy you a green dress (But not a real green dress, that’s cruel)”

• Keira Knightley’s green dress from Atonement (realistic copy): $238 

“I’d buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)”

• Art Garfunkel does not make personal appearances, apparently. So I looked up Picasso artworks and found Picador et Taureau for $75,000.

“I’d buy you a monkey”

• Baby capuchins from a very dodgy website cost $8,000.

All in all, then, this totals $494,025.30. Without the Elephant Man’s bones, this leaves more than half a million dollars to “buy your looooooooove”. Which would probably be neccessary if you were living off mac and cheese for an entire year.