Ex-Tabula Rasa

Celebrities and their lesser-known rap alter-egos

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 08:42:00 -0500

Nathan Fillion: Nate Fillionaire

Morrissey: Last of the International B-Boys

Paula Abdul: MC Skat Kat

Daniel Day-Lewis: DJ D-Day (Lewis)

Daniel Dae Kim: DJ D-Dae (Kim)

Nicolas Sarkozy: Nicnic, Le Gendarme D’Amour

Will Smith: Will Smith

marleymarley: Oh hai Cabernet sauvignon didn’t know you’d taken control of my brain/everything so...

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:38:25 -0500

marleymarley:

Oh hai Cabernet sauvignon didn’t know you’d taken control of my brain/everything so soon…

Crap, I’ve been away today. What did I miss?

OH MY GOD WHAT IS GOING ON?

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 13:02:39 -0500

A penguin thing and that yellow Pikachu thing just had a FIVE MINUTE CONVERSATION but all they can say is “Squeak” and “Pika”! So it just went like this: “Squeak?” “Pika!” “Squeak squeak!” “Pika!” FOR FIVE MINUTES!

Does this come with subtitles for those of us who don’t speak cartoon-animalese?

I'm watching Pokemon cartoons right now

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 12:52:24 -0500

Holy crap, it’s like fucking advanced level quantum physics or something. Did David Lynch direct this?

Big fucking monster appears out of nowhere, good guys attack him and it has no effect, so they’re all like “he must be using the gammafield repulsor light shield to protect him” and I’m like, “where the fuck did that come from? When was this mentioned?” and then some more monsters turn up but for some reason they side with the good guys despite everyone’s expectations, and we’ll never know why because they can’t talk.

Now for some reason they’ve all gone back in time. That should make things make more sense.

"You make me want to pick up a guitar and celebrate the myriad ways that I love you"

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 12:00:05 -0500

“You make me want to pick up a guitar and celebrate the myriad ways that I love you”

- Slow Hands by Interpol

danhacker: Christmas light broken by Jerry L. That’s the...

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 11:50:30 -0500

danhacker:

Christmas light broken by Jerry L.

That’s the most complicated Venn diagram I’ve ever seen.

Oh my God I just left my work end of year party before my boss

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 20:17:46 -0500

My God, I had no idea being married meant that you HAVE TO BE LAME AS FUCK.

Holy Crap

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 13:40:49 -0500

…And to think I was ashamed that the men’s toilets in work had signs telling us to make sure our discarded paper towels were put into the bins. I just saw my colleague’s computer screen, and she’s making signs for the ladies’ toilets.

My God.

“Urine on the toilet seat” this, and “used feminine hygeine products in the sinks” that.

They’re a bunch of savages!

Bad Habits I have Acquired that will get me Hurt One Day

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 10:19:03 -0500

Putting the iron near my face to see if it is hot yet
Wearing an Ottawa Senators hat in downtown Toronto
Pointing and laughing at cars that double up as penis extensions, especially if they’re playing shit R&B at an ear-curdling volume
Straight gin
Trying on my wife’s jeans as a joke and finding they fit
Telling my imaginary friends that my wife’s jeans fit me

Okay, I'm going to be a bit controversial now, and I make no apologies.

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 08:34:26 -0500

The best song that contains the word “Myriad” in its lyrics is Slow Hands by Interpol.

What were the skies like when you were young?

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 08:16:59 -0500

It won’t take a genius to guess what I’m thankful...

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 08:59:10 -0500

It won’t take a genius to guess what I’m thankful for this year.

(Even if I’m actually British and therefore don’t give thanks because for some reason we don’t have Thanksgiving, possibly because we think everything that comes to us does so because we deserve it. Or something.)

yayaa: Lykke Li - Tonight [Live acoustic take] “stay put and...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:48:54 -0500

yayaa:

Lykke Li - Tonight [Live acoustic take]

“stay put and play along
‘cause i’m looking for my friend
now i got you, got you”

I was listening to this on repeat earlier. I can’t express how much I love this song.

GPOYW, in Kanazawa Museum of Contemporary Art, at the bottom of...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:53:16 -0500

GPOYW, in Kanazawa Museum of Contemporary Art, at the bottom of the swimming pool exhibit.

An important safety announcement regarding beds

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0500

The National Bed Safety Board were again prompted to release an warning about proper bed usage, after the fifth bed-overcrowding incident in recent weeks led to an unknown number of injuries, some of them serious.

“There were several people in the bed,” said Dickie Sticklebrick, NBSB spokesperson. “Initial witness reports vary, but there were apparently somewhere between two and ten in the bed. From what we can gather, the smallest person in the bed instructed the others to ‘roll over’, and a tragic chain of events occurred, leading to one falling out of the bed. His injuries are as yet undetermined, but we are told that he hit the floor and gave a shout.

“This is not unexpected,” he continued, “as many modern beds are quite high up and gravity is a cruel, cruel mistress.”

Mister Sticklebrick then summarized the rest of the night’s events, which consisted of more rolling over at the behest of the smallest member of the bed, resulting in more falling out and shouting.

“We are currently working with the police to determine why the littlest one in the bed was so eager for more space. Logically, they require less room in the bed than anyone else, so for them to be telling everyone else to roll over is somewhat confusing.”

Foul play has not been ruled out at this time.

The NBSB spokesbloke concluded: “Please remember - tie a knot in your pyjamas if you have to - but single beds are only made for one. Please: It’s your safety.”

When reached for comment, the Little One said “Good night.”

Today I was recommended by a Twitterer in a Tweet that also plugged @Sween and Bob Saget.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:25:11 -0500

Talk about from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Doraemon. He was always my favourite.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:16:45 -0500

Doraemon. He was always my favourite.

More Japanese nostalgia. This is Anpanman, in statue form...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:10:23 -0500

More Japanese nostalgia. This is Anpanman, in statue form outside a TV studio in Tokyo. He’s a superhero made of bread. His girlfriend is melon bread.

Sometimes I look through these photos and find it hard to...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:49:51 -0500

Sometimes I look through these photos and find it hard to believe that I ever lived in Japan. This is the path down from where my wife lived.

When I've processed 400 more expense claims, the transaction number will be a palindrome. After that, I will have to process another 1100 before the next palindromic transaction number

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:15:24 -0500

1. These are the things that get me through the day.

2. These are the things that got me beaten up in school.