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Ex-Tabula Rasa

I shall try to define myself in a sentence with a pithy comment at the end:
I'm just an English bloke who lives in Canada after marrying a Canadian lady he met while living in Japan. Yeah, that old cliché.

Shameless Self-Promotion:
My utterly hilarious blog is here
And another one is here


Wow! I'm on Twitter now!
Averaging three stars a tweet since the death of Favrd!

Still Want More?
Email me for fun and frolics*! My address goes along the lines of Japanese (dot) smoth (@) gmail (dot) com. *Actual ratio of fun to frolics may vary.

Posts tagged books

Feb 21 '13
This is an excellent book that I am enjoying very much and I heartily recommend to anyone who enjoys novels where the speech is not punctuated in quotation marks with covers illustrated by Turner Prize winning artists

This is an excellent book that I am enjoying very much and I heartily recommend to anyone who enjoys novels where the speech is not punctuated in quotation marks with covers illustrated by Turner Prize winning artists

Nov 2 '11

I just finished Infinite Jest

I think I started it nine months ago. I can’t remember. It’s been ages and ages. And now I’m finished. All 981 pages plus 300+ footnotes plus going back to certain points because I can’t remember who this character is because he was last mentioned four hundred pages ago and it’s six months since I was at that point of the book. Nine months.

And I kind of want to go back to the beginning and start again.

But I won’t, because I feel like my head will explode, so I’m going to read something light and fluffy.

Sep 22 '11

My Next Book: How to be Sexy

My last few university textbooks didn’t sell very well, despite all the professors I grabbed by the lapels and threatened to punch unless they made my publications required reading on their courses. So I figured a better get-rich-quick scheme would involve exploiting humanity’s narcissism and vanity. I’ve written a guide book for people who want to be physically attractive, which I plan to sell to ugly and gullible people.

The book’s chapters are as follows:

  • Preface (written by Kat Von D)
  • Introduction: That Child is Crying Because of Your Face but this Book can Make it Stop
  • Make-up for Beginners: Maybe She’s Born with it, Maybe Fuck You I Paid Fifty Bucks for this Eyeliner the Least You Can do is Compliment me
  • Intermediate Make-up Techniques: Not Looking Like a Burn Victim
  • Advanced Make-up Techniques: Looking Like a Burn Victim (if He’s into that Kind of Thing)
  • Hairstyles of the Rich and Famous
  • False Eyelashes 101: They’re not Big Enough Unless You’ve Killed a Porcupine and Stapled it to Your Eyelids
  • Inner Beauty and How it Can be Channelled into Your Face Instead
  • Perfume: Why You Don’t Want to Smell like Lars Ulrich’s Jockstrap
  • Plastic Surgery: Express Lane Checkout in the Supermarket of Beauty
  • Spanx for the Mammaries
  • Afterword: First Impressions are Made in Six Seconds and His Cock has Been Hard for Five
Sep 11 '11
Someone is leaving mysterious - yet beautiful - paper sculptures in libraries across Edinburgh. How wonderful!
Full story here.

Someone is leaving mysterious - yet beautiful - paper sculptures in libraries across Edinburgh. How wonderful!

Full story here.

May 30 '11
Two things my wife loves more than anything in the world: Food/Cookery books and books designed by Coralie Bickford-Smith.
And lo, Penguin Books place their flag inside the epicentre of the Venn Diagram of Mrs Fuiru adoration.

Two things my wife loves more than anything in the world: Food/Cookery books and books designed by Coralie Bickford-Smith.

And lo, Penguin Books place their flag inside the epicentre of the Venn Diagram of Mrs Fuiru adoration.

Mar 3 '11

World Book Awareness Day

Today is World Book Awareness Day. It is staggering, the number of people who are not aware of the dangers of books. To try and combat this, I have written a leaflet on books, the signs of books and what we can do to avoid them. The contents are listed below; please contact me if you would like a copy.

  • (Introduction) Books: What are they, where do they come from?
  • Characterization: Everybody thinks it only happens to someone else
  • Pathos: The silent killer
  • The Great Alliteration Outbreak of 1914: Could it happen again in our lifetimes?
  • Metaphor and Simile: Like a pair of evil brothers walking across the land, shooting everyone they come across, laughing all the while
  • You may think your home is safe without a Foreshadowing Detector, but you’d be wrong
  • Denouement: Responsible for more deaths than both World Wars and Polio combined
  • What to do if you find a Deus ex Machina in your child’s bedroom
  • Thematic Patterning: Be afraid, be very very afraid
  • (Case Study) The Small Paradisal Island that Lived for Centuries in Bliss Until a box of Umberto Eco’s Foucault’s Pendulum Washed up on the Shore and Everybody Died