I shall try to define myself in a sentence with a pithy comment at the end:
I'm just an English bloke who lives in Canada after marrying a Canadian lady he met while living in Japan. Yeah, that old cliché.
You may find, on rare occasions, that someone has dumped SEVERAL TONS OF SAND in a big pile all over the area where you normally play EXTREME ADVENTURE CROQUET. This is not a reason to CRY AND WAIL LIKE SOME COLICKY INFANT, no, instead the hardcore and proper EXTREME ADVENTURE CROQUET player will see this as nothing more than AN OPPORTUNITY TO BE EXTRA DEVIOUS in creating a playing area that separates the MEN FROM THE BOYS and the EXTREME MEN FROM THE MEN WHO ARE NOT EXTREME and furthermore the ACTUALLY EXTREME IN THE SENSE THAT THEY CAN HIT A CROQUET BALL UP A SANDY HILL WITHOUT COMPLAINING MEN FROM THE NOT ACTUALLY ALL THAT EXTREME REALLY WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT MEN.
And lest anyone have any trouble determining WHICH CATEGORY OF EXTREMITY I fit into, please be advised that during the game of EXTREME ADVENTURE CROQUET that you see in this GPOYW, a very beloved and comfortable Hawaii-purchased flip-flop was LOST IN THE SEETHING PILE OF SANDY TERROR where it REMAINS TO THIS DAY while NOT ONE DESIGNATED TURN WITH THE MALLET was missed AS A RESULT.
I have to be up in five hours to catch the first subway. I had no idea there was a first subway. I thought the first subway was in 1986. Oh God, I’m going to fall asleep on the train to Ottawa and get felt up by the businessman in the seat next to me. And I won’t be awake to enjoy it. This is the worst day ever.
(New glasses! Woot! They look like my old glasses! Yay! I tried on hipster glasses! Ooh! But the Earth trembled and shook and a loud voice went ‘Eurgh!’ Oh no! And I also got prescription sunglasses! Huzzah! I’ve never had those before! Badonkadonk! Etc!)
(Apologies for any typos, these bloody eyedrops mean I can’t fucking see)