Yeah, I know. You woke up this morning and you were like, “I really wish someone would post an awesome fucking love spoon on Tumblr today” and the hours went by and you started getting all disappointed because dammit nobody stepped up to the plate.
Well consider the plate well and truly stepped on, bitches.
See this? This is an honest-to-God arse-kicking love spoon of justice and immensity. Don’t believe me? Just check out that craftsmanship. That’s no shitty mass-made machine manufactured love spoon. That’s hand made. Made by hand. By the hands of a love-spoon-making genius. Check out those lines. The sculpting. When you stand next to that love spoon you can literally feel the workmanship and love and joy and technique oozing out of it like sweat from a fat man’s rag.
Take a good, close look at that spoon, ladies and gentlemen. Look closer. Closer. What’s that you say? No, your eyes are not deceiving you. Those are maple leaves. Canadian maple leaves. You see, this love spoon was made by a Canadian bloke who travelled all the way to Wales to learn to make intricately beautiful Welsh love spoons at the hands of the Welsh masters. Dedication? The word doesn’t even cover it. Think of another word that means “Dedication, only even more so”. There isn’t one. We should invent one for this very purpose.
“Glavidity”. There you go. There’s your new word. Multiply dedication by a billion and you get glavidity. Multiply glavidity by a billion and you get this love spoon. Simple arithmetic, bitches.
So when you woke up this morning, and the desire to see a love spoon started gnawing at your insides, you didn’t realise your love spoon craving would be sated quite so hard, did you?