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Ex-Tabula Rasa

I shall try to define myself in a sentence with a pithy comment at the end:
I'm just an English bloke who lives in Canada after marrying a Canadian lady he met while living in Japan. Yeah, that old cliché.

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Posts tagged mitt romney

Nov 14 '12

Has anyone ever seen Donald Trump and Kent Brockman in the same room together?

Without wanting to make any accusations, I present the following:

  • "This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!" - Donald Trump, November 2012
  • "I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: democracy simply doesn’t work." - Kent Brockman, 1995
  • "Look at what’s happening to Nightly News" - Donald Trump, November 2012
  • "Reporters used to expose corruption and corporate greed. Now, like toothless babies, they suckle at the teat of misinformation and poop it into the diaper called the six-o’clock news." - Kent Brockman, 2007
  • "Our country is now in serious and unprecedented trouble…like never before." - Donald Trump, November 2012
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together." - Kent Brockman, 1992
  • "It’s my honor, real honor, to endorse Mitt Romney." - Donald Trump, February 2012
  • "I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords." - Kent Brockman, 1994
Feb 1 '12

Lesser-known facts about Republican Presidential Candidates

Newt Gingrich:

  • When applying for a job and made to fill in a box marked “weaknesses,” usually writes “Cannot see through walls”
  • Is actually two less conservative men, one standing on the other’s shoulders, wearing a long jacket
  • Was sent by Dre to piss the world off, was too successful, hence Eminem
  • Likes his buffets like he likes his marriages: Open
  • First name is short for “Newton’s Third Law of Thermodynamics”

Mitt Romney:

  • Is so rich that he owns two copies of The Incredible Hulk #181, featuring the first full appearance of Wolverine. One copy is kept in pristine condition in a bag, the other he openly reads at comic conventions with jam on his hands
  • Doesn’t even like Wolverine that much anyway
  • As a child, came across a corporation in a field that had fallen out of a tree and injured its supply chain; he took it home and nursed it back to health before tearfully releasing it back into the free market
  • Once helped the homeless by installing a warming mug of delicious, hearty soup at eye-level behind a bulletproof window in his home
  • First name is short for “Mitt Romney is Better Than You”

Rick Santorum:

  • Thinks about gay men more often than all of Madonna’s backing dancers, past and present, combined
  • Believes that tying a tie on the Sabbath is ungodly; does not take off his neckwear upon going to bed on a Saturday
  • Gave his wife the pet-name “wombguardian”
  • Favourite method of eating a hotdog is to lick off all the condiments in a slow and deliberate manner while moaning softly and holding back tears
  • First name is short for “Ricardo”

Ron Paul

  • When watching someone play Super Mario 3, usually roots for the Goombas
  • Wakes up the morning after a full moon with flesh under his fingernails, ballet gear on the floor of his bedroom and no memory of the previous night
  • Can hypnotise the simple-minded
  • Is able to use initiative to work independently but also able to collaborate in team-based projects
  • References available upon request