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Aidan Moffat - Cunts
We like to fuck and shag, we’re not into making love
But I hope that she’d admit that we’ve done all of the above
I’ve got a cock or sometimes a willy, I’m referred to as her bird,
And she’s usually got a fanny, rarely any other word,
Though you might’ve heard a pie once, or a bum-not-back-but-front,
Or maybe the odd snatch, but never once a cunt.
She only uses that word when it’s Scottish for amigo,
Or to punctuate a sentence when deflating my wee ego.
If I were able to live my life anew,
In the next I would try to commit more errors.
I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more.
I would be more foolish than I’ve been,
In fact, I would take few things seriously.
I would be less hygienic.
I would run more risks,
take more vacations,
contemplate more sunsets,
climb more mountains, swim more rivers.
I would go to more places where I’ve never been,
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans,
I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.
I was one of those people that lived sensibly
and prolifically each minute of his life;
Of course I had moments of happiness.
If I could go back I would try
to have only good moments.
Because if you didn’t know, of that is life made:
only of moments; Don’t lose the now.
I was one of those that never
went anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot-water bottle,
an umbrella, and a parachute;
If I could live again, I would travel lighter.
If I could live again,
I would begin to walk barefoot from the beginning of spring
and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends.
I would take more cart rides,
contemplate more dawns,
and play with more children,
If I had another life ahead of me.
But already you see, I am 85,
and I know that I am dying.