Ex-Tabula Rasa
I'm just an English bloke who lives in Canada after marrying a Canadian lady he met while living in Japan. Yeah, that old cliché.
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Posts tagged vampires
In the video for the Pet Shop Boys song Heart, this woman begins by being singer Neil Tennant’s new bride, but by the end of it she has been seduced and taken from him by a vampire played by Sir Ian McKellan.
I’m not sure what has happened to this woman since she appeared in the video, but it’s fairly clear that she has the amazing talent of turning men gay.
I say we find her and send her Rick Santorum’s way just to see what would happen.
Pardon me while I blow your mind.
So there’s this TV series, right? Okay. And of the main characters is a young woman whose job involves waiting on other people. And she falls for this broodingly handsome guy who is much older than her. But their love does not always go to plan because he has a dark and murky past that forces him to keep secrets and go off on mysterious errands without telling her why, all presumably for her own good. And a nasty woman from his distant past occasionally comes back and makes things even more complicated.
“Hold up, Fuiru,” you say, “why are you talking about True Blood? The next season doesn’t start for ages!”
But I’m not talking about Sookeh and Bill Compton, oh no. I’m talking about Anna and Mister Bates in Downton Abbey. Boom. I just blew your mind.
And we can take it further. Oh yes.
A handsome young man falls for an attractive and mysterious girl whose ultimate intent is to bring the young man into her family and make him one of their own: Am I describing Jason Stackhouse and Crystal’s Werepanther clan, or Matthew Crawley and Mary’s upper class family? Good question.
A gay guy and his sass-talking co-worker plan the downfall of their other co-worker and her mysterious, brooding new beau. Lafayette and Tara, right? Wrong. O’Brien and William.
While having sex, a girl discovers that her partner in conjugal efforts is dead. Yeah, that could describe just about everyone in True Blood who boffs a vampire, but I’m actually talking about Mary and the Turkish diplomat.
So what exactly am I getting at? This: Downton Abbey is just a British version of True Blood, set in World War 1 and with fewer breasts. They’re basically the same show, but one’s got a bunch of pasty, unhealthily white-skinned sexual deviants, and the other’s got vampires.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering who Eric is? It’s Molesley.
I made up another joke
So there are two vampires doing whatever vampires do, and one says to the other, “What’s the matter? You’re looking kind of worried…”
The second vampire replies “Oh, I think I need to go and see a doctor.”
“Why?”
“Well, it’s kind of embarrassing, but recently when I’ve been going to the toilet, my pee has a kind of red tint to it.”
The first vampire thinks for a while, and then says, “Well, have you been eating anything red recently? Like beets? Have you been eating beets?”
And then the second vampire says “Well…yes, as a matter of fact! Yes, I have been eating rather a lot of beets lately! That’s probably it! Thanks!”
And then they go and see a film.
